Thursday, January 22, 2015

I Got This

I am super blessed to have friends around me. Really strong female friends who "get" me. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last month without them - whether it was letting me have a panic attack crying fit in her office, giving me a place to be on New Year's Eve, sending me meaningful pins on Pinterest, or sending me awesome articles such as "How to Kill Your Ex and Get Away With It". I'm kidding! This is the article that my friend TH sent me.

It got me to thinking though - how am I getting through this? It has been a struggle for me, more so than any breakup I've had before. Put that down to an intensity of emotion, the way things ended, or just that it was the straw that broke the camel's back (meaning: I'm tired of relationships that don't.work.out.) whatever the case, I'm going through some STUFF.

So, here's my advice for dealing with a broken heart. Or as I like to call it: How Breaking up Prepares you for Love.

H: Hurt. It's okay to hurt. The person who left meant something to you. There's a grieving process to go through. Just remember that even though you're broken, don't make other people broken too. It's instinctive for us to try to make others feel our misery. Don't do it. Just don't. So cry, make a Breakup play list on Spotify of every sad and angry song you can think of, write letters that you're never going to send, have pretend arguments in the shower where you get the last word with him, pack up his old shirts, and look at pictures, notes, text messages. Go ahead and hurt, but don't live in the house that hurt built.

B: Busy. Be busy. Find projects, make goals, renew hobbies, go places, be with people. Do the things you love even though you don't feel like doing it. Watch three seasons of 'Once Upon a Time' on Netflix. I had a friend go through a divorce last spring. She's a teacher, so over the summer she spent every day doing something, going somewhere, just being busy. The person that you loved isn't in your life any more (his loss), but you do still have a life.

P: Pray. Pray for healing your heart. Pray for peace. Pray for patience. Pray for understanding. Acknowledge to God that you don't know His plan, and even though it's hard for you to accept, there's a reason God took someone out of your life. Pray for forgiveness - for yourself if needed, and the other person. Pray for them to have the life they deserve. Pray for their happiness - even if you want them to be miserable forever - just keep praying it and one day you will really want them to be happy.

L: Learn. Take some time off to learn about relationships. Evaluate what you want, who you are, and where your boundaries lay. Was there something specific that he didn't like? Look at that habit objectively - is it something that needs to change? This is a hard one, I know. One thing that HE said he didn't like was how I seemed to get upset about little things. I know, and it's something I've been working on (and continue to work on)... but sometimes I think he missed the bigger picture of how my brain works and didn't bother to find out. Sometimes the best thing we can do in a relationship is to get someone else's perspective.

This is how I've been handling things the last month. It's left me barely holding on, but I am still holding on.

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